true true...

THank you Amy and Kenny for your comments ....

I agree.. if the change is turning into something which would affect how we feel or our friendship or any relationship then I should say something to let them know...but Amy knows me from so long ago...I won't say anything yet till I really cannot 'tahan' anymore...ahahhaha...rite Amy?
But ofcoz whatever happened is not really big deal...i would categorised it as a minor problem but just felt like blogging about it the other day...

Well it is a good thing to blog...i can get things out of me and feel better..now I know why the three of you like to blog so much...hahahha..but I am still feeling lazy..

The talk about changes...it's actually a very wide topic...and I guess at the age of 21 and i still did not see anything or feel anything about my life yet kinda prompted me to think and think and think, think,think andddddd think....then again meeting up with old school friends also triggered me...
Maybe I am too naive or something...i expected to see the same old people with the same old way and thinking but I remembered so many things happened in the time we did not meet up that these things changed them to be a different person...

I admit that it was difficult to have the same wavelength with those friends during times in school...hence i always found myself at the outskirt of the circle...not only one circle but a few circle...always gather together in a group yet i felt like im the outsider which I am even till now..it's the same for them too when they are with me and Amy, Py and Sy. They know and I know yet we can still be friends, remember each other's birthdays and the concern for each other is there..moreover I can actually read one of them so clearly and understand what she was going through which made me angry of those people who treated her that way ...Im angry with her also for being in denial...hahah she knows and we are going to discuss more on this...

My point is that i realised changes made us become a better person ...ok could be turn into worse person also but once changes happened, there is nothing to be done...it's like a phase that we have to go through..and learn it: ourselves and the people around us...that would be the first step to tackle the matter..

Changes because of the surroundings or experiences...yes true..agree..but i wouldnt say it's the duty of friends to ACCEPT it but a duty of friends to UNDERSTAND it is much better phrase...I believe not all changes could be agreed and acceptable for some friends..but even if they couldn't accept it..they MUST understand it and it would be better if there is understanding from both sides: the changed and the friends or loved ones...Understanding...and tolerance of course...but not make it a must to accept it because if one is unhappy of the changes and tell the other one of it and what if the other one stubbornly believe he/she is on the right side?...it will lead to huge arguments or more..and it will be like one party always giving in to the changed party and then more issues arises....complicating things even more...hahah so i guess for me I would prefer both party to actually listen to each other's opinion and understand the whole situation before accepting or not accepting...and always be rational and control the temper...! Really listen to the expert here...i always lose out on my temper and get into arguments..if i only could just control the fire..*sigh*...Im trying...=p

Listening is important...I believed I kinda do this often with Amelia, PY and SY...take all out and put in on the table then we pick the pieces and put it together...I hear you ..you hear me..then explain what we think...good way to solve things among us...but I do not wish to do that often because that would meant that we always have problems...! =) of course problems couldn't be avoided also as we are all girls..more thinking here and there...Im not saying guys do not think but really..the way girls think can be very complicated....even sometimes i don't understand myself Xp

Agree and true again that the core character of our loved ones is buried deep down somewhere eventhough changes happened because I believe the changes is actually some sort of defences against the surrounding, a mask to protect ourselves...that is why we have to understand the reasons of the changes occured...and always remember the true character of us inside...the one that first captured people and friends hearts...
Sometimes you won't know if you change or what but friends and loved ones could tell...and they are the best person you would wanna hear it from because you trust them more...yes..i wouldn't wanan hear it from any other people also...

Hmmm my main reason was to post a FEW LINES to reply Amy and Kenny but ended up typing more because things just came into my mind when i type...ahahah
Overall, main points...no judging a person just like that and no one is going to be 'forced' to accept changes of another person but to UNDERSTAND...yup...UNDERSTANDING!!
always try to stay true to yourself even though we have gone through changes..uh huh what else...oh change...a lot of the word 'change' in this post hehehe...then there's this denial case which i would blog about later when i get a better understanding of it...because im still quite unhappy how it affected one of my friends...

Summer holiday... friends are coming back and i've already starting to meet up with some of them...i also remember summer holidays is the time where i will have my emotional turmoil session thingy...ahahah because too much time to spend and too many friends to meet and too many things to think of... X-)

Anyway will update more..and Amy and Kenny don't stop commenting ya!! Quick quick finish exam!!! Wan go yamcha with you all la...and tell you bout me working!! okok good luck in your exam...!

a very fruitful Saturday...

ok....The main reason to watch Ocean's 13 is because of BRAD PITT!! I sooooo love him....he is soooo hot...he even looks hot in a security uniform...PY and I were almost drooling...well I was almost drooling and not so sure about PY...George Clooney is hot too...i find them very very sexy...ahhhh..

I had a great time today even it was just a movie and nothing much...before movie i went breakfast with this really 'long time no see' friend because he was studying in Singapore. We chit-chat for 2 hours about almost everything...he told me of his opinions in some issues and i told him mine...i really enjoy this kinda conversation where it make us ponder and feel mature....(feel mature - because im not sure am i that mature) I envy his experiences living in a foreign country even it is just across the causeway. He saw so many and get to know so many people from different background and mindset then he comes back and started comparing and realising things..then i was wondering finally he sees it because some time back I saw the issue but I did not think much about it until some friends started discussing about it...ahah he also helps a lot about some stuff...I think it is time I am to do something about it. It is a must...I cannot continue envying other people and not do something about it. Thanks man for the advice!!

I went 'yamcha' with PY yesterday night after so long..had a great night chatting...then today went to watch Ocean's 13...ahahah i got PY hook to them already..she wants to watch 11 and 12...really an enjoyable movie...feel really good..pity some people don't get it and ended up falling asleep while watching it...really..aren't they supposed to TRY to understand the movie since they paid RM10 for it?What a waste! I wanna buy the DVDs of the 3 movies...

I realised im a better listener than a speaker...and it is a good thing for we learn more by listening..feeling a bit edgy I do not know why..i can feel the 'it's-time-to-grow-up-dear-kinda feeling' resurfacing..lot's of things thought of but no action taken..I need to start moving

*sigh*...being in the middle of two different perspective can do that to you too. Then from my own point of view...i agree with both sides in some things...i can't describe the things I wanted to say...ahhaha i think this must be one reason why i seldom blog...Im not good with words...

People changes as time goes by...but when the person you think you know very well actually act in a way you never expected of or you know of it but never really give it a thought of kinda thing happened..make me start thinking again..Is this really you? Or am I being too sensitive again? I want to say...people are selfish...i know because I am too...but if we put ourselves in the other person shoes...we see things their way...we just need to learn to start doing that...it will help us to analyse an issue properly because I believe both sides are in the wrong too and not just blame it all on one side...or is it because the person has changed that they do something to make you feel that way? Different up-bringing really makes a lot of differences...that is the only thing i can think of for now...

Are friends really important...? I will answer yes...VERY MUCH.. without them I won't be me today...I went through a lot with my friends...close or not close, best or not best...i went through good and bad moments with them that i still remember till now and take it as a reminder of what to do or expect in the future...they also made me a better person one way or another..i would love to do that for them also...i wonder may i?

I can't believe i can type so long...and reading it now i feel i just crapped a lot...but again i say i need to improve and encourage myself to express my feelings using words..so i am trying here...
Well i guess that's all for now...

kids!!! omigod!!!

I can't believe my first time blogging here will be about kids...
They are very very 'unique' creatures...
They either make you become so lovingly and affectionate or they make you go CRAZY because of small little matter...
So what if she's the only daughter and the mother pamper her all the way? I am the only daughter in the family also...i do not care that there's an age gap of 15 years between us!! I just cannot stand her anymore!!
How on earth in one minute time she can actually make me go through so many emotions?....i was upset , angry because of her stubborness...and her attitude as if she owns the whole house!!! She f****ing took my favourite pillow yesterday and said her granny likes it so give her...i have plenty of other pillows in my room but nooooo...she wanted my FAVOURITE pillow!! I like to sleep hugging that pillow together with my big bolster and small bolster!!! .........and tonight i have to give up my pillow again....

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And she just made me stand up and took my chair!! I have to type while kneeling!!! i am not going to get a new chair...she has to learn to give me back!!!!!

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Got my chair back...and now she make me like her....im so conflicted la!!

When people go work they always look forward to go home after work....but i dreaded it yesterday and today....if she wasn't my uncle's daughter....just IF...she soooo going to get out of my house!!!

I cannot even believe that I typed all those about a kid...i love kid.....me Chenn Chenn loves kids...if i can stand working in a day care centre for 6 months without commiting murder why can't i stand THIS kid here!!!!????

OMG...i was being so sarcastic at her just now!! Noooooooooooo~~~!!! I cannot be like this...help me!!! I am sooo mean!!! Nooooooo...she is only 6 years old!!! Nooooooooo! but she damn naughty....she changes her face in a second time... from sunny sunshine to dark cloudy storm!!!
She's rude and loud and...and....Im going to sleep and leave her here alone....

There goes my first blog here....ciao!

I love the month of April...

*sigh*...I've got to stop doing this...I love reading other people's blogs and i enjoy it ver much but me myself is sooooooo lazy to blog...ahhh no entry for March..how sad and now April is almost going to end...ahaha it won't end until i celebrate my birthday...it's another two more days but I already feel so loved! why is that i heard...? hehehe...i received a call from a friend studying at JB and at the same time another friend msn me both wishing me Happy Birthday!! ahahah they are the earliest two to wish me...well that's because they thought it was today and forgotten about 22nd!!! Im supposed to get offended but these two gals were just too sweet that i can't get mad at them...it's so cute of them!! ahahah...
Next happy thing...my sweet angel ask me to go to Good Charlotte's concert tomorrow night!!! He didn't even know he gave me a birthday present by taking me there...how cute!! heheh well i'll be joining PY there too...well to be precise..Im goin with Py and meet my Angel there...ahahha =p hmmm...eventhough there won't be any big celebration but im so happy things happened and friends all remember!! I love them all...love you all ya!! My mum's baking a cake well TWO chocolate...thick creamy dark chocolate~~!! hehe...auntie bought me stuff...heheh im so blessed!!
I cut my hair to reaaallyyy short yesterday...thank god i brought Amy along...hence my nice haircut!! and not the 'si si' lala style that i almost have to live with=.= hehe...i love my hairstyle again...feeling very good right now...reallyy good!
It's weird that i am so excited with just this few little things but really...the past few days been feeling quite pathetic...ahaha someone asked me a question which made me feel so pathetic and pityfull suddenly...then went to this not very impressive interview which adds up to the pathetic-ness I was feeling...heheh now feel much better...really..I was all this while feeling very comfortable with myself but these two events really make me felt insecure...VERY insecure and PATHETIC..been bugging Amy a lot..I haven't been feeling like that for so long..=) anyway it was an experience...
oh oh oh...!!! I saw Chester Bennington!!!! I still can't believe i saw him at Tower Records...man he is sooo hot!! I don't care if people say he's skinny or Mike's better...I've always love him from the beginning...love him love him love him!!! Too bad i couldn't get autograph but i get loads of pictures!! Don't ask me why i didn't get autograph...sad case...i realised every time if there's anything to do with Linkin Park, I will sure face some problems or discomfort or unhappiness...but i still love them especially Chester and Phoenix! When it comes to Linkin Park, it is always with my Brother...both of us will be discussing and planing to go at where and what time..I think this is the bonding thingy...a little weird since we are sister/brother and not brother/brother or sister/sister...ahah but im truly lucky i get along very well with my brother...he's going to study at Kampar soon...the place is not bad but i still feel sad he is going off to live outside...and i went through his pics when he was a baby...man how he grown to become a young man... i miss my baby brother...hmmm...is this what they call pre-turning-21-anxiety feelings?... I've been having this emotional turmoil for a few days now...OR ahaha it could be my PMS talking if i checked my calendar properly...=p yup it is! cheh...
oh..month of April...there are so many people's birthday and i attended a few of the parties...ahah fun but don't feel special anymore...=p hehe
well i guess that's about all for now...assignments been bugging me...finish two and here comes another two..I like IKEA but they are too interesting...too many info...x) i'll have to do my best...a bit 'kiasu' here...or im alwasy 'kiasu'...
arrgghhh...Amelia now is pestering me to wear a dress for my birthday dinner...the place we going does not need this kinda of dress code but she wants it!! hey gal...it's my birthday ooo =p ...apparently she's living her 21st birthday dream through me...heheh she didn't get to wear a dress on her birthday because her bf gave her a surprise party! hehehe...this gal asking too much! =p
anyway...that's all now...leave me comments or wish me happy birthday ooo...! xp

february's entry...!

hello! I am only blogging so that i have an entry for the month of February. I damn lazy to type about what had happened lately, so i think i'll do the random thingy and type what comes into my mind.
Hmmmm...ahhh i helped two of my college mates to shift their stuff from their old place to their new place which is so much better. The new place comes with swimming pools, tennis court, gym and more! The pools look good...hehehe a place for our gang to spend our 8 hours break before the 6pm class. Heheheh...gamble a bit...and thank god i didn't lose any money...
hmmm... I dunno what's so good about Singapore but after coming back from the trip i am so eager to go there again and this time i am dragging my brother because he wants to go too...keep on asking me questions...it's cheap to go if we are not planning to do any shopping...i wanan go on a European cruise...my auntie been tempting me by telling me stories and showing me pictures of her and family on a cruise..im sooo jealous gila! Looks like i need to seriously consider going there during summer...but i have to bring a few brats along with me...my brother and cousins..ahahah apparently they can't go on a cruise without an adult age 21 and above!! ahahah that will be me!!!! =p
My new year celebration sucks...and i've already expected my Chinese New Year will not be that great either...usual annual 'activities' happened but this time it became more serious involving more people! I only ever 'balik kampung' to see my granny and cousins...but really hate the activities that went on...adults! i still have 2 more months before becoming officially an adult so i can still complain about adults..to say they are more mature, rationale, responsible will be lying...many lessons can be learned from what i saw and experienced...words said cannot be erased or take back..actions done can never be forgotten...no matter what, it is better to THINK before we decide to move any muscle in our body!! yup..that's what i've learned..and i will try to remember that and practise myself...but then in the end of the day things will still go back to normal only the scars that will be left to remind all what had happened...it's ok for them but it's not ok for the kids...i wonder do they realised that..*sigh* *wipe it all off* *smile smile*
What else...ahhh! I suddenly realised there are so many things about myself that i dislike...i've been complaining about myself to myself a lot lately..*sounds creepy* haven't really give any much thought about these things yet so nothing much to say here...just a new issue with myself recently...
The passage above prove that i am running out of things to say and don't feel like blogging anymore ...heheh ...so that's all for now..erm...i wonder should i have a new year resolution whichis to blog more often?.... ahhh...tata!

im fine

im fine now...nothing serious now...everything ok now...went to singapore for three days two night...lazy to blog it here ..maybe amelia did...i'll blog when i feel like it... =p

a dream?

When i go to bed and wake up tomorrow morning, will it be over? Back then i can be an ignorant teenager and be oblivious with what exactly happened, but now as a twenty year old young lady can i still do that? My worst nightmare come true just as i was about to start having fun through adult life and university life, just as i was enjoying my holiday after my first semester. Time is always a factor for me. I will worry whether do I need to grow up soon or let it be? Do I think ahead of myself? Questions that every human being will ask when they face difficulties, 'Why? Why me? Why now? Why not later? How? What to do?'
I now understand clearly when a friend once told me she thought of hurting herself just to test whether can she still feel, sense pain with all the misery she went through. How she would want to escape from it. I actually thought of it just now. How will it be to just put a cut at that exact spot where you can see the veins? Does it hurt when im not feeling anything right now? How will it be if I was gone? Will it be less misery for them? Less problem, less burden? The urge was so strong that i had to slap myself. I can imagine the Angel and Devil on my shoulders. Do it! Don't do it! IS my belief strong enough? Is it true that i will be punish for doing it? Will i enter Hell?..........How childish of me, how naive to think that the problem will solve if i was gone. Looks like the Angel won the battle.
It's been a problem ever since i was born, even before i was born but i manage to evade it and God loves me enough to delay it till now. Looks like God thinks I am strong,old and mature enough to handle it. Should I be thankful? Should I be happy then?
When i was young i always asked, 'Can i have that? Can i have this?' I want so many things but the answers i get will always be the same, 'Nope, not now. Sorry, later when i can get it for you 'k dear, Work hard and get it yourself when you grow up, Aim for it' ...Yeah that's what i did. Aim for it! Till now i manage to reduce my aims and dreams to just a few. i finally got what i wanted but it is always later than anybody else but i do not begrudge it. I love them. They try to give me what i want eventhough it takes time and many years later. I take it positively,convince myself this is what you have to go through because your situation is different than your friends. This have made me appreciate every single little thing that i've own. I grew up being a pampered girl, daddy's girl. Compare to some people I am one fortunate girl. Ofcourse even that's the case, I know exavtly what the real picture looks like. That is why i am working so hard to get a degree, working so hard to make sure i must succeed, wishing so hard for things that i want it to be and to happen. I wonder if i wish hard enough it will come true? Dad always tells me that i am a lucky girl for whatever i wish for will come true. That was when i was young. I really did believe and thought I am a lucky girl but as time goes by i did realised that im lucky because my dad made the wish came true. He tried his best to make the wishes come true so how am i to blame him for what had just happened? How could i?.. with the love he showers me with? I just can't..
I can't really see what im typing...I'll continue later